My story

Going through this process of leaving a narcissist, and at the same time being discarded by a narcissist, is a very painful and lonely time. I did not know for many years that I was married to an NPD, I discovered this fact after I asked him to leave the house after another verbally abusive evening. That night I was searching for answers online as to what had happened to my marriage? I was googling search terms like “What is verbal abuse” and “Is verbal abuse, abuse?” because at that point, I knew something had been very wrong for years. The verbal attacks started out sporadic, increasing and escalating over time. Towards the end, I was scared, feeling the next step would be physical violence. But because I had been told numerous times by him that I was the one that was crazy, that I am too sensitive, and that he was only being truthful with me when he was saying abusive things to me, I still was doubting myself. During this initial research, I came across a podcast named Empowered Love Radio by a women named Melanie Tonia Evans. I had never heard of her before, but something caught my eye and I listened to one of her podcasts. I was hooked. I didn’t understand some of the language she was using like empaths and quantum understanding, and I had never really heard about narcissism before, but the more I listened, the more I couldn’t believe my own ears. She was describing my husband, and my relationship with him, to a tee. That is all it took and I listened to every single one of her podcasts each night. It became my only refuge— I felt that someone finally understood what I was going through and had been going through for years. It was the first time all of the conflict started making sense. I was shocked and relieved at the same time. Later, after I had learned more, I realized that I had been living with a covert narcissist for years without even knowing it. Needless to say, I read books, listened to podcasts, watched videos, and did online courses — this began my journey (that I am still currently on) to understand and heal from narcissistic abuse and CPTSD. I also realized during all of the research and learning, is that I have had multiple Cluster B type of personalities involved in my life since as long as I can remember. Currently, I am not even close to being healed, I am in the middle of it all, but I absolutely feel the need to help others become aware of this disorder, and to create a easy-to-use resource by gathering information together all in one place. I hope this website helps you, and if you see any specific categories you feel should be added that are hard to find, or books, coaches, therapists, lawyers who have been influential in your healing process, feel free to share your suggestions with me.